| | So, it wasn't really under my "list of things to do before I die" because I've done it before, but I've done it again anyway. It's not like I meant to or anything stupid like that. In fact, I feel really really stupid about the whole thing. You know? On the way down to the emergency room I couldn't stop thinking about how much I fucked up. I mean, the other times it's happened, it's been someone else's fault.
Basically I got into a car crash. Like, a rear-end-someone-else's-car car crash? No. More like a fly-off-the-road-and-hit-a-tree crash. Why? I don't know. I remember the sequence of events very well, but it happened so fast that it just seems like a blur. One minute I'm swerving off the road and the next I'm hitting a tree trunk and the airbag, what seems like at the same time. It didn't feel like I was going that fast even. I even saw it happen and then felt the airbag.
On the way down I was pissed with myself that I could even think of letting that happen to me. It felt like I could've slowed down faster or something. I didn't really need the airbags is what it seemed like. I couldn't believe that I was one of those idiots that crash into trees. But I am. I suppose that I will never measure up to my dad. Lately I've been trying to be better than him, but I don't think it's possible anymore. Like, his IQ is better than mine, he reads more than I can, he thinks of better presents than I do, he finds better movies than I do, he's better at arguing than me, he has a better job than me, he drives better than me, and he's loved someone where I have not. It's like I can't even compare to him. I felt pathetic.
Miraclely, I walked away from the accident with only a minor pain in both my lower rib cage and what will probably turn into a bruse on my right hand, both from the force of the airbag with the added help of the seat belt with the damage done to my ribs. All in all, very minor. The car suffered more appearent damage from the airbags than the actual tree, which bothers me greatly. They should make the airbags come out after you're doing fifteen to twenty miles per hour rather than something like twelve, as I had been.
These were the thoughts that went through my head as I sat in the back of an emergency vehicle this morning at around 11:30. I spent a good hour and a half in the medical center and then called for my friends to pick me up. I called my best friend with her license first, but she did not pick up, so I figured she was at work. Then I called my ex, who was also busy, so I refused to bother him and said good bye. Since most of my friends have yet to get their license, I was running short on people. I worked up the nerve to ask someone who had given me rides before to pick me up. When he said sure and asked where I was shocked to realize that I didn't actually know where I was. I told him that I thought I was at the emergency room and he asked if there was construction outside. There was and he came right away. At first he thought that i had to be home right away, so we ended up just going home. We ended up watching the movie Clockwork Orange, which is disturbed out of it's creation, but undeniably a masterpiece. In some sick was I really enjoyed it.
Even though the movie was really long, I've never been interrupted that many times throughout a movie. It's two hours and ten minutes long, but we must have had a total of ten or twelve calls over the course of those two hours.
Anyway, I really appericiate what he did, and it makes me very happy that he'd take the time out of his day to do something like this for me. He's not going to read this, but I just wanted to remember this act of kindness and how thankful and humbled I am by it all.
I know that the hug that I gave him and my meagar words of thanks are hardly enough to repay this act, but I don't know what else I can do or say that would take me out of his debt, so I must remember that if he asks for anything, I should try to give it to him because of this stupendous amount of niceness he's shown. He's really a good guy. It makes me happy that he'd even take me anywhere I needed to go let alone stay and watch a movie with me especially if he had somewhere else he wanted to be.
Don't get me wrong, he doesn't like me like that. I'm pretty damn sure of that. I just can't see him thinking of me that way. But I'm glad that he thinks of me as someone that he'd do something so special for. I'm glad he sees me as such a good friend that he'd go that far out of his way for me. If he ever does read this, I'd like to thank him (you) from the bottom of my heart for making me feel so cared about, if that's not too weird.
Anyway, I'm okay, even less shaken up than I was before. And thank that higher power that I may or may not believe in for waterproof make-up!
As an after note, don't crash going over 12 miles per hour as the stuff they use to to inflate the airbags smells really really bad.
Oh, on a side note, Yoshi and I are good friends, and I don't hate him. I guess I was just being a weirdo and haven't been on here in ever.... like, really really ever... but yeah. I kinda like someone else now, but nothing is ever going to happen between us, so unless he makes a move, I'm over high school relationships... I think.....?
Anyway, take care everyone!
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| | Posted 4/5/2008 6:14 PM - 11 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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