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eriks_angel_of_music
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read my profile
sign my guestbook
Interests: I have so many that sometimes it scares me...
Expertise: Ha! Don't make me laugh. You think I have those?
Occupation: Dreamer
Message: message me
Member Since:
2/17/2005
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| OH YEAHremember the Yoshi that I kept talking about? yeah..
so we're dating now.....
lots has happened, but we've been dating for over eight months, so I guess this blog is really out-dated. yay^^
anyway, he is even more awesome than I thought he was, but I'll stop here in case he gets embarrassed.
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| mostly to psycho_dreamer1986wow, it's been almost a year and I just realized what you were saying. O.O man I'm thick.
I did try to die, but I don't think it worked because I am still here... I've gotten better, I don't feel the need to end my life anymore. I think I just went through an emo period or something. o.O how odd.... Your poetry is still really pretty to me though, so keep going with it.
I'm not sure if I'm going to get back to ever actually writing here anymore, but it will be about happy things now... this blog will no longer be depressing. haha
To all those people out there who ARE suffering from depression or bipolar disorder: Go see someone before it is too late, please... it's not worth the aches and pains that you are putting yourself through by not seeing a professional. I know this for a fact.
Honestly, to this day I don't know what exactly causes it (even my case), but I know some ways to prevent some of it, so if you need help, don't be afraid to ask.
xlittleoldmex@hotmail.com is my email, but keep in mind that I am in NO WAY a professional, and I will probably advise you to seek professional assistance, but I will also try my best to listen if you need to talk then.
Take care of yourselves and to all the people that helped me, thank you so much, I am forever grateful.
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| Well, this has been an interenting day... So, it wasn't really under my "list of things to do before I die" because I've done it before, but I've done it again anyway. It's not like I meant to or anything stupid like that. In fact, I feel really really stupid about the whole thing. You know? On the way down to the emergency room I couldn't stop thinking about how much I fucked up. I mean, the other times it's happened, it's been someone else's fault.
Basically I got into a car crash. Like, a rear-end-someone-else's-car car crash? No. More like a fly-off-the-road-and-hit-a-tree crash. Why? I don't know. I remember the sequence of events very well, but it happened so fast that it just seems like a blur. One minute I'm swerving off the road and the next I'm hitting a tree trunk and the airbag, what seems like at the same time. It didn't feel like I was going that fast even. I even saw it happen and then felt the airbag.
On the way down I was pissed with myself that I could even think of letting that happen to me. It felt like I could've slowed down faster or something. I didn't really need the airbags is what it seemed like. I couldn't believe that I was one of those idiots that crash into trees. But I am. I suppose that I will never measure up to my dad. Lately I've been trying to be better than him, but I don't think it's possible anymore. Like, his IQ is better than mine, he reads more than I can, he thinks of better presents than I do, he finds better movies than I do, he's better at arguing than me, he has a better job than me, he drives better than me, and he's loved someone where I have not. It's like I can't even compare to him. I felt pathetic.
Miraclely, I walked away from the accident with only a minor pain in both my lower rib cage and what will probably turn into a bruse on my right hand, both from the force of the airbag with the added help of the seat belt with the damage done to my ribs. All in all, very minor. The car suffered more appearent damage from the airbags than the actual tree, which bothers me greatly. They should make the airbags come out after you're doing fifteen to twenty miles per hour rather than something like twelve, as I had been.
These were the thoughts that went through my head as I sat in the back of an emergency vehicle this morning at around 11:30. I spent a good hour and a half in the medical center and then called for my friends to pick me up. I called my best friend with her license first, but she did not pick up, so I figured she was at work. Then I called my ex, who was also busy, so I refused to bother him and said good bye. Since most of my friends have yet to get their license, I was running short on people. I worked up the nerve to ask someone who had given me rides before to pick me up. When he said sure and asked where I was shocked to realize that I didn't actually know where I was. I told him that I thought I was at the emergency room and he asked if there was construction outside. There was and he came right away. At first he thought that i had to be home right away, so we ended up just going home. We ended up watching the movie Clockwork Orange, which is disturbed out of it's creation, but undeniably a masterpiece. In some sick was I really enjoyed it.
Even though the movie was really long, I've never been interrupted that many times throughout a movie. It's two hours and ten minutes long, but we must have had a total of ten or twelve calls over the course of those two hours.
Anyway, I really appericiate what he did, and it makes me very happy that he'd take the time out of his day to do something like this for me. He's not going to read this, but I just wanted to remember this act of kindness and how thankful and humbled I am by it all.
I know that the hug that I gave him and my meagar words of thanks are hardly enough to repay this act, but I don't know what else I can do or say that would take me out of his debt, so I must remember that if he asks for anything, I should try to give it to him because of this stupendous amount of niceness he's shown. He's really a good guy. It makes me happy that he'd even take me anywhere I needed to go let alone stay and watch a movie with me especially if he had somewhere else he wanted to be.
Don't get me wrong, he doesn't like me like that. I'm pretty damn sure of that. I just can't see him thinking of me that way. But I'm glad that he thinks of me as someone that he'd do something so special for. I'm glad he sees me as such a good friend that he'd go that far out of his way for me. If he ever does read this, I'd like to thank him (you) from the bottom of my heart for making me feel so cared about, if that's not too weird.
Anyway, I'm okay, even less shaken up than I was before. And thank that higher power that I may or may not believe in for waterproof make-up!
As an after note, don't crash going over 12 miles per hour as the stuff they use to to inflate the airbags smells really really bad.
Oh, on a side note, Yoshi and I are good friends, and I don't hate him. I guess I was just being a weirdo and haven't been on here in ever.... like, really really ever... but yeah. I kinda like someone else now, but nothing is ever going to happen between us, so unless he makes a move, I'm over high school relationships... I think.....?
Anyway, take care everyone!
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Now playing: Armor For Sleep - The Truth About Heaven
via FoxyTunes
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| Yoshifuck this shit. I'm so over relationships. they can all burn in hell and I'll watch and laugh right next to Satin himself.
but the weird thing is, even though I want to listen to "angry" music, I'm not mad... I'm actually kinda relieved.
I must just be weird.
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| myspace survey...
10 WHAT’S:
1. What was the first thing you thought about when you woke up?
shit... is it really eight o'clock? (turns out it wasn't)
2. What did you do last night?
take pictures and internet.. same as always
3. What is the most important part of your life?
my friends and music. <--same here.
4. What would you rather be doing right now?
eh.. sleeping or eating or... eh.... nevermind....
5. What did you last cry over?
I haven't in so long that I don't remember... probably something stupid.
6. What always makes you feel better when you’re upset?
my friends... or a smile from that someone.... x.x
8. What’s the most important thing you look for in a significant other?
personality...?
9. What are you worried about?
things that are none of my business.
10. What are you looking forward to most in this week?
not a whole lot... OH! Cake from Claire, and a sleep over at Dansley's!! <3
NINE HAVE YOU’S:
1. Have you ever liked someone while you had a girlfriend/boyfriend?
yes
2. Have you ever had your heart broken?
nope
4. Have you ever been out of the country?
yessssssss <33
5. Have you ever done something outrageously dumb?
everyday... <-- I second this
6. Have you ever been back stabbed by a friend?
well, they weren't really a friend then, so no.
7. Have you ever had the cops called on you?
nope
8. Have you ever dated someone younger than you?
no...
9. Have you ever read an entire book in one day?
yes ma'am
EIGHT WHO’S:
1. Who was the last person you saw?
my mommy
2. Who was the last person you kissed?
faulty memory................
3. Who was the last person you texted?
it's been a while... probably my sister
4. Who was the last person to call you?
probably Dansley
5. Who was your first crush?
Kai Ferring, although some will say Gillian Grossman...
6. Who is the last person who texted you?
probably my sister
7.Who is the last person you freaked out on?
probably Dansley, Daniel, D.J., or Yoshi... or Claire, just now.... haha
8. Who did you last hug?
half-ass hug? my mommy.
hug-hug? Patricia
SEVEN WHEN’S:
1.When was your last shower?
after I finish this.
2. When did you last see your mom?
about two hours ago.... O.O it's been THAT long??? *sigh* I need another hug.....
3. When was your last time u saw your dad?
awwwwwww..... I miss him... it's been almost two weeks.....
4. When did you last dress up?
last night!! ^^
5. When was the last time you cried?
I don't remember... its been a while :)
6. When did you last go to the movies and with who?
With D.J. to Sweeny Todd
7. When did you last listen to music?
this moment
SIX WHERE’S:
1. Where does your best friend live?
which one?
2. Where did you last go?
ummm.... I don't know how to answer this one.... my bed...?
3. Where did you last hang out?
school..?
4. Where do you go to school?
bhs
5. Where is your favorite place to be?
with my friends.. or that special person...
6. Where did you sleep last night?
my bed
FIVE DO’S/DOES:
1. Do you like someone right now?
yep
2. Do they like you too?
HA HA HA HA HA as if....
3. Do you ever wish you were someone else?
kinda..ish.......... but if I had it my way, I'd wish for something different....
4. Do you know the muffin man?
yes ma'am
5. Does the future scare you?
not really... the fact that I don't know what I'm going to do with myself scares me...
FOUR WHY’S:
1. Why are you best friends with your best friend?
this doesn't need an explanation. that is something that the pure scientist cannot touch. it's called "love."
did I just say that??
Holy shit....
I did....
O.O
2. Why did you get a myspace?
because..... I always forget this... I know I still have one for my friends...
3. Why did your parents give you the name you have?
because they could.
4. Why are you doing this survey?
I dunno anymore... umm... oh yeah, cause Daniel did it....
THREE IF’S:
1. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?
make an infinite amount of wishes that would always come true but could be undone if I wanted them to be!! (why does that sound like a Disney movie?? o.O)
2. If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you?
yeah, but only one thing.... getting better grades....
3. If you were stranded on a deserted island and could bring one thing what would it be?
Yoshi, he knows how to survive and I don't... haha.
TWO WOULD-YOU-EVER’S:
1. Would you ever get back together with any of your ex’s if they asked you?
hmm..... I'd have to think about it.... maybe............. *thinks* *wants to say no* *thinks more* ..........maybe.......................... o.O
2. Would you ever shave your head to save someone you love?
does that even need questioned? Of course if they were going to die! Although I don't see how that would help matters....
ONE LAST QUESTION:
1. Are you happy with your life right now?
ish...
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